I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
how drunk are you?
Several
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
