There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He better not be in your backpack
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
