from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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