Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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