I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
