now i know why i became what i already was.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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