Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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