That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
