apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
