Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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