well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
