doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
