Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
