he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
