i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
