Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
