how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
