just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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