Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
