yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
