I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
