Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
A+ Viking dick
Success! We fucked roommates!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
