when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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