this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
