I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
