I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
