he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
