Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
