why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
