He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
