So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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