Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
