Midget sex pt 2 tonight
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
