why didn't you poke me back
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
