I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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