what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
