We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
