At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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