I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
