I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
