Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
A+ Viking dick
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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