But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
