the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
