I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
