the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
