PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i think im in europe. pls send help
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
