u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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