Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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