His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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