sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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