I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
